I am my own man.

Wow…Haven’t been writing for long long time. And now I’m here in Berlin, Germany, struggling from negativity these few weeks.

Negativity mainly comes from noise.

  • My classmates are all chatting machines, never stop talking, even during lab practicals
  • My new flatmate is also a person loves talking a lot especially on the phone with her pretty loud voice, when she and another flatmate is here, 1+1 > 2.

For a whole week I simply couldn’t find a place for silence of my own. It was really mentally exhausting. And my ears hurt as well.

 

Ranting all these with mom while facetiming cuz I can’t find anything to talk with them, so it’s my problem again. Thanks. The mistake I made is I shouldn’t even exist in this world.

I hate it when you guys just never learn to let go. First thing to ask me on the phone, comed or not? DLLM you made me don’t want to care this shit anymore. You’re fucking tiring. Before I came I made up my mind to make it good, but since then you’ve started again, my brain just doesn’t feel like listening AT ALL

Can’t you just appreciate a 24 yo kindly asking for your advice before she decide her travel plan, just to be nice and take care of how you feel, becuz she knows you are a control freak which you will never ever admit in your life. Why on earth do I need to book a double room and make me uncomfortable and make me look fucking weird when I can book a single room. Why spend more money just to let people won’t know I’m alone when it’d be obvious if you tracked me. Why say becuz the location of the room would be better if you don’t know shit of how the hotel rooms are internally organized. Why say becuz something unwanted would be there when they can possibly be ANYWHERE they want to be. Just, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOUR BRAIN.

Always saying I spent all your money but on the other side keeps saying it’s nothing just spend those money. Always saying I like travelling when it is the only way for me to breathe instead of taking away my own life to survive. I wanted to spend money in a logical way, in a way that all students do, in a budget travel, and you just keep on asking me to spend more to make you feel better. You should be the one to change, not me. Whenver I’m alone, no matter in HK or anywhere else, you won’t feel safe, so Shut the fuck up. You said I shouldn’t travel if I wanted to save money, FUCK YOU. I FUCKING NEEDED A BREAK FROM SHITTY BERLIN. I can’t breathe properly in the last few weeks, becuz of every single shit that bothers me which you think ALL ARE MY FAULT.

LET ME GO. I’M MY OWN MAN.

 

Don’t regret if one day we break ties, because you’re all the cause. And this broken relationship can never ever be repaired.

I am my own man.

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