I wish…

It’s my first USF real home game. Played in HKUST.

The match day when you don’t have to get up super early and travel for 2 hours is just awesome.

Probably I was too excited that I couldn’t sleep last night…

Anyways,

I couldn’t stop the opponent, so we lost the 1st goal.

I couldn’t clear the ball with my left foot, so we conceived the 2nd goal.

Hing somehow didn’t stop the 3rd goal.

Basically that’s it for the game.

3:0, just first half.

To be honest, I really don’t think the opponent is much stronger than us, just they have a ‘star’ player, no. 8. That’s it. What if we have Serena, not sick.

It’s my last season, and of course I want to have better ending position, always wanting to show the world how much we have improved, how good we play. But probably not enough.

After the three goals, I was just too exhausted. Mentally.

How much I wish somebody can tell me:

It was not my fault, it was ok to lose, it was ok to be emotional, to get mad,

It was ok to not shout and motivate the team, ok to not tell your teammates what to do, ok to not put the team over your shoulder,

Tell me I shouldn’t have any expectations on the match, tell me my self-sacrificed injuries are worthwhile, tell me we have already improved a lot, tell me we deserved to get a win…

I tried, I tried hard, but my patience, my persistence, slowly wore off.

4 years, mostly losing games, what’s hurting most is not seeing most other teammates put effort in trainings, some even not attend trainings, and some do come to trainings but improved really slowly.

Most of the time, our team are content with current situation, probably they got used to losing. But I’m not.

I just can’t blame Serena for ditching matches, cuz I understand it is very difficult especially you’re trying to carry the whole team yourself.

I’m really tired, sick of the attitude and enthusiasm.

It’s gonna be my last USF match, and I hope we’ll get a win next week, then I’ll be free.

 

I wish…

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