I tried to forgive, but once again you throw away the chance I gave you to make up for your mistakes in the past.

I thought you have changed because of sis, but in fact you don’t. You never think you’re the problem, you never reflect on yourself.

The only way to make you learn, tough, is to turn your world up side down.

In half year time, I’ll fuck up your life hard, ruin it completely. I’m gonna make you regret from the bottom of your heart from what you’ve done so far. But at that time, you’ll never have a chance to compensate for your mistakes, I’ll let you bring along your regret till the day you die.

I never wanted to be like that. I hate seeing people get sad because of me. At the beginning I even didn’t want to tell you the truth cuz I don’t want to see you guys sad. But now, sorry, I’m gonna make you VERY SAD.


What happened? Why did I change drastically?

I got injured in the last USF match vs CityU. I didn’t sprain my ankle myself, it didn’t happen because I mistakenly step over a ball, nor my muscles were tired and it just suddenly can’t hold the posture. The ball hit my ankle hard and forced my ankle to be sprained. I don’t see any point of blaming me in this case, I’ll just call it destiny. Who would ever thought of spraining your ankle just when you try to block the ball from getting near the goal? But then weird thing happens, Dad got mad when he knew I got injured, because he thinks I didn’t take care of my body well. Are you fucking kidding me? So maybe I should just stay home and not workout/play sports anymore, in this case I probably won’t get injured. This is just the same if you blame a pedestrian who was unfortunately hit by a car that they didn’t take good care of themselves, so maybe the pedestrian should never get onto the street. Interesting logic. The next day mum sent me a message, telling me I should lose some weight, because I’m too heavy so I always got injured. Dude, are you insane? For anyone in this situation, no matter how light you are, you’ll get injured.  This makes me wonder if they still carry a brain, or their skull just contain shit. You’ve told me every single day I see you, aren’t you bored? Have you ever tried to see my effort in losing weight? Losing weight is not necessary to eat fucking less, bother people to get you healthy food, working out is also a way to lose weight. You never see I have tried for at least 10 years, it is till a point I have given up. You ever get the feeling from sky high expectation to completely no hope, for a persistent person? You ever try to understand how long does this process take? Have you tried to understand the reason I can’t lose weight other than just blaming me?

You always think from your perspective, changing the meaning of my sentence and accuse me, but never try to understand me from my perspective.

You guys are just fucking annoying and brainless. I’m tired of it. I have given you guys uncountable opportunities, and I can just conclude you guys can never change, simply you’re stupid and stubborn.

I’ll never be grateful for what you’ve done. You’ve completely ruined my life.

Don’t be shocked when I leave without a sign, you forced me to be a villain.

Wait for it.




I just want to be ordinary, that’s it

Have been trying to stand out from the crowd since I was born (or I was forced to), trying to be at the top tier for everything I get my hands wet of. Trying to take up managing or decisive roles. I am glad I had those experiences, which constitute the ME right now. But now, I’m tired of it. And I just want to stay ordinary. Literally, ordinary.

I’m from a normal middle-class family, seems like nothing special. But since I was young, my freedom was stripped off, with my life all about studying and extra-curricular activities (so I have higher chance of getting into a good secondary school). I adapted to that mindset, and continues my life during my secondary school, chasing for fame and pride, trying to reach my parents’ expectations.

Everything just goes fine. I take up roles, be proud of myself, even in university I become core of the Football team and society. We played my first USF match in my last season at HKUST, we lost against HKU, at the last ten or so minutes. I was solely blamed for the losing goal. Well I do take responsibility for it, but not all. I seriously don’t think I should be the only person to be blamed. Anyways, I have been chosen to take the ‘last man’ role since two years ago, but I never know the pressure is that heavy. I get tired of it, of using all my effort on court just to ask people stand at the right position at the right time, doing defense only didn’t maximize my time of playing football. What I like is dribbling the ball, going forward, tackling. Not just shouting. No, I don’t like shouting. I hate it. I hate it. It’s mentally tiring. Seriously, the attackers didn’t do their job well, didn’t score a few when they have golden chances, the wings are not doing just fair on defense. So the lost is all blame on me? Anyways, I’m tired of it, it just feels like my hard work is not being valued.

Looking back at my life, I simply want to lead an ordinary life, sharing the memories that others also have. However, what I had during my childhood is just fucking studying and useless extra-curricular activities. I never know the true meaning of holiday till I’m in university. How pathetic this is. I just wanted to have fun, enjoy time, laugh as a kid. That’s it. Not a big dream right? I wanted to feel care and warmth from my relatives, but no, we’re never close to our relatives. I can’t even remember some of their names. I don’t want to be a smartass, don’t want to be given any expectations or labels. I just want to have my own life. Do what I do, and enjoy every seconds I have.

I wanted to live an extraordinary life, my own path, but I don’t want to be treated extraordinary, and I just want an ordinary environment around me.

That’s just a simple dream, but why on earth is that difficult to achieve.

Let me go. Please.

I just want to be ordinary, that’s it