Commit suicide

What if, my destiny is to commit suicide at a young age?

People have been condemning the act of committing suicide, as they think that life is a gift from God, no one has the power to end lives.

But what if the world is a mess, and need something to wake up the people?

Donald Trump, Rodrigo Duterte, CY Leung being the chief commander of a country or government, violating human rights, creating discrimination within citizens, turning a country from rule of law to rule by law, highest authority ignoring the opinion of citizens……All these just show the world is not the one we are familiar with. The world is not changing in a direction we thought it would have been, before we grew old enough and take over the power. The world is likely to self-destruct before we have a chance to enjoy its beauty.

The elder generation has been saying we should wait till we are in command, to change the world, but not use these radical behaviors to voice out, as they think this is not sticking to the status quo.

But may I ask, if your strategy is working, why does it turn out to be like that now?

What if we can’t save our world before it dies?

There are more and more incidents that teenagers in Hong Kong commit suicide, and media, government officials, have been blaming teenagers’ low ability to face pressure.

But what if their pressure comes from family, society, because of prejudice, incorrect values, incorrect way of teaching, over expectation, too high pressure, violating true meaning of learning for kids and teenagers? The natural desire of kids/teenagers are being suppressed and ignored, they lost hope completely and just want to escape from this shitty world, not to suffer anymore. And perhaps possessing their last bit of hope to the world – awaking the adults that they have been wrong, with their death.

So, should they still be blamed? Be condemned? Or the adults should be blamed and penalized instead?

 

Dear world,

Just stop blaming and judging the people who commit suicide, try to understand the reason behind and solve the problem.

Prevent tragedy happen instead of blaming people for things who have happened.

Also don’t blame/condemn people who commit suicide, they have had a hard time before they decided to die. (Who wouldn’t want to live?)

 

Commit suicide

Just some random thought at midnight

Tomorrow is likely to have typhoon no . 8 hoisted, and I just don’t feel like studying for HUMA1000 quiz.

These days have been pretty much bus, as midterm goes.

 

After a whole month, my life has changed drastically.

Literally,

Completely changed.

I went to see a clinical psychologist, though she didn’t mention out literally, but I think is kinda obvious that I get diagnosed with depression. (plus my knowledge on depression lol)

Obviously get this because how I was being raised. High pressure, elitism, MBA teaching style. Whatsoever.

Have been thinking from time to time.

Why. Me.

Always try to think the answer given by the psychologist: to teach my parents.

But I am just exhausted. I just need a break.

Half year is not long, nor short. Not sure if I can get through it.

From that day onwards, I have never considered myself as lucky anymore. There’s always a trade-off between things that you possess throughout your life. I get what many people want, superficially, studying in prestigious school, can play numerous sports and music, above average language skills……But I’d rather be a normal average kid, if I have a choice.

I was told that I’m sensitive, but I think sometimes I’m just oversensitive. And life gets hard with this, cause I’m always suspicious or concern something.

 

Haven’t been alone for quite some time since roommate Venus is back from Taiwan, so depressed has not visited, not until just now. Throwback to a week or so, I haven’t been really experiencing life, showing much of my emotions. I maybe angry inside, but I just hide it somewhere else again. Also when I’m with others, just feel like I have been wearing a mask and pretend I am happy. Sarcastic.

But I simply can’t imagine how can I show my bad temper in front of others.

 

Just gonna admit the fact that I’m bad tempered.

Mom, Dad, sorry, I can’t be your good girl anymore. (though I’m already not as good as before)

Just some random thought at midnight